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Showing posts from September, 2006

Cult of the Microbe King

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Who would have thought this humble pest would someday take a seat beside the likes of David Copperfield or Martin Chuzzlewit, as The King of the Microbes.

One of the most startling events for fans of Charles Dickens this past year has been the recent discovery of an unpublished manuscript, The King of the Microbes. It's authorship is still controversial, due to it's peculiar subject matter, but some scholars say it's nothing new, and argue that Dickens made numerous references to it in his diaries and letters although, until now, everyone assumed it never became more than just an idea.



Published for the first time after being written over a hundred years ago, Charles Dickens' strangest work has become an instant cult classic.

A noted scholar on Dickens' work has responded with total disbelief, "Charles Dickens never wrote anything remotely like this sort of science fiction novel. They didn't even know about microbes when he was alive. It's ridiculous,…

He played the Balalaika

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He played the Balalaika... then ate it!

I wasn't quite sure what to do, so I clapped.

He wasn't finished yet.

Everyone in the alien dinner theater scowled at me while he started again, from the beginning.

I couldn't see why this guy was such a big celebrity on this planet.

Until he started to sing. It was the most amazing performance I'd ever heard.

But the local aliens at my table weren't too impressed. "Anyone with two heads can sing harmony like that," they muttered.

Electro Sine Trap Tentacles of Terror

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It's been ages now since ants took over the Earth, but they still enjoy reliving the old battles.

"One small step for an ant, one giant leap for all insects." Conquering the humans was the defining moment in the civilization of the ants.

When they read what we wrote about them in textbooks, they weren't insulted. "Look how the mighty have fallen!" they roared with joy.

Every year on Veteran's Day (for ants) they re-enact the great battles and tell their children and grandchildren about the Revolution.

"Son, the history books will tell you that the 214th Leaf Cutter Division captured Washington. But by the time they got there it was just me and few other guys. Beat but not beaten."

"Just me, a few guys and our Electro Sine Trap Tentacles of Terror!"

"Boy, tell your children and your grandchildren, if the humans ever come back from their holes in the ground, just let 'em have it with the Electro Sine Trap Tentacles of Terror. T…

I walked with Warhol

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Hey, how about it? Is this the Campbell Soup Cans of fractals or what?

Anyhow, Andy told me, and no one else knows this, that he's taken all his talent and everything he's ever learned about art and put it into a single photoshop filter.

And he gave it to me, on a diskette.

I'd post it for download, but I promised I wouldn't, or else I'd lose all my super-powers.

A long time ago when I was in university I wanted to learn Spanish because I was going to go to Mexico for two months in the summer. Being exceptionally lazy when it comes to learning languages, or anything else mathematical, I checked out, started to study, and gave up on, a number of Spanish grammars.

I was in the public library looking for a different kind of Spanish textbook when I found a hardcover one with no dust jacket from the 1950's illustrated with small line art drawings. Each little ink sketch was signed, "A. Warhola."

I laughed. It had to be Andy Warhol. In fact, I figured he was…