Spritzle

The dancing star of sugarland


Download parameter file spritzle.loo

See the joyful network of his little friends, holding hands and jostling about with tiny hops of happiness?

Let's see, how can I balance this fruity vision with a much needed dose of the sour macabe...

Slaves of Santa.

The first title in a series of grade B movies by an obscure Japanese production company known as NPP. Making a sudden leap from producing television commercials, NPP's first feature length production became the standard for Christmas movie disasters.

Buying out the screenplay, cast and studio from another company gone bankrupt trying to finish an overbudget horror movie, Moro Ishito, NPP's owner, hoped to turn it into an overnight Christmas hit.

From the dreary caves of "Santaland" where the elves revolt, to the incredibly violent counter-attacks by Santa and his reindeer over the North Pole, Slaves of Santa is as unChristmas-like as it is bizarre.

Unfazed by the cool response to this first disaster, NPP went on to make a second: Chains of Santa.

Everything's back to normal in "Santaland" except all the elves are chained to their tables and toy-making machines. NPP can't seem to drop the horror theme and even filmed a scene, cut from the final release, where Santa eats an elf.

Puzzled by the continued unpopularity of the first two Santa movies, NPP manages to sign on the American martial arts star, Steven Seagal, to play Santa in the third. Although he only appears for a total of three minutes near the end, when the doctors remove the bandages that have covered Santa's face (and the face of the Seagal's substitute who played him) all through the movie, Seagal manages to make Atomic Rage of Santa financialy profitable.

Ishito, now CEO and convinced he has the cinematic Midas touch, comes out with a fourth film in the series entitled, Santa 4: Death from Above.

Eleven months of rest in the South Pacific as part of Santa's anger management therapy comes to nothing when Santa, on the return flight home, ends up seated between two international arms dealers. Buying a heap of assorted weaponry, including several Exocets for his sled, Santa once again shelves peace on earth for another season.

The mature audience only rating slapped on Santa 4 due to the horrendous napalm attack in the final scene's Night Before Christmas parody, causes it to bomb at the box office and is pulled after only 3 weeks.

NPP is in serious financial straits now but still manages to put together one last entry in the series, Santa 5: Rudolf's Revenge. Confused by changes in the movie industry and by the recent sucess of the Terminator series, Ishito's two teenaged sons manage to get him to produce a colossal, 3D computer-animated, million-dollar flop.

Rudolf's Revenge puts another nail in NPP's coffin by using Steven Seagal's likeness for the computer animated character of Santa, leading to a multi-million dollar lawsuit and a court injunction on the movie's release in the USA.

"New to own" on video and DVD this holiday season.
 

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